I have learned much as an adult that I use with Ruby. I take deep breaths when my patience is tried and call up past yoga practices. I give her positive choices when she is persistently wanting to do something that I don’t. These do help me through our days together.
I am amazed at the depth of my love for Ruby. I love the weight of her hand on my shoulder as she leans in for support. I love the smell of her hair when she sits in my lap to read. I love her murmurs that give way into sing-songs as she awakes. I love seeing her face light up when she sees John. I know my own mother loved me like this, but it seems impossible. She’s told me of hours spent holding and rocking me as an infant in a wistful voice. I understand the depth of that love now.
Thanks, Mom, for all the love you showered on me when I needed it. I am so grateful for the focused love I received. This love, more than anything else, sustains my mothering. I know this has been passed on to me and I love feeling it so intensely, so physically, when I am with Ruby.