Like every one else, I am so deeply heartbroken about the tragic events of last week at Sandy Hook. It was a traumatic event that is so terribly haunting. I can’t count how many times I imagine our own family in their shoes and it is terrifying. As a parent of a kindergartener and a former kindergarten teacher; this hits way too close to home. It’s all too easy for me to step out of my world into theirs. I am physically ill for it all.
I’ve dealt with my own trauma and I can feel my brain slipping back into those unhealthy patterns of replaying. It is always on the forefront of my mind and my friends. It’s the first thing we discuss – “How are your kids doing?” “How did you answer their questions?” It was in the looks the parents and staff at Ruby’s school shared with each other as we brought our kids there on Monday and stepped back into old routines.
There is no making sense of this. There is no explanation.
All I know is that I am crazy grateful for the life I have; for the people in it. I am going to try to hold on to that a little more. I am savoring the giggles. I am remembering why I stay up late making last-minute gifts, and making messes so the girls can make memories. I am living in it.
I can’t live in fear. I just can’t. There is too much to be afraid of. I’ll become an anxious bitter mess and no good at all as a parent or a person. I am seeking out and sharing compassion as often as I can. I am hugging more, finding ways to send comfort, big and small, laughing, and loving. I am holding on to love while I have it.
Sending love and peace.